-Private Threads- [pluviosa]

[helborn]

For threads that don't go anywhere else.

Please include rough day/time in the header of the comment just for timeline's sake.

Comments

[helborn]

"... I don't want to leave you. I don't want to - I just... I just don't want you to be upset at me..." He's still somewhat curled up but at least resting against Shang Beida. "Because... because I deserve everything... I know people say I don't but I... I clearly did something wrong. It... it just wouldn't make sense otherwise..."

[airplaneskyward]

Shang Beida runs his fingers through Casper's hair, hoping it's comforting. "I'm not upset at you, baobei. I don't want you to hate yourself, but I know perfectly well that saying that doesn't make it stop, and trying to, what, bully it out of you? That wouldn't do absolutely anything useful even if I was inclined to, which I'm not, I don't want to be mean to you. But 心爱, bad things do happen to good people. Not everything is... it's not a balance. You don't get bad back in like, the exact whatever you did it in, or the world wouldn't be full of like, billionaire CEOs and shit. They'd all start spontaneously bleeding from the eyes or something. Um. Fuck. I did not mean to get sidetracked, sorry. You're not... it isn't your fault. You didn't choose to be born to parents who-- sorry, baobei, but they suck and they're awful to you and I don't like them and no child deserves that. I mean I think especially not you but that's just because I'm biased because I really, really like you. I think you deserve good things and I... want to give you good things. I want to be good things for you? I want you to be happy."

[helborn]

"... But I love them." It's not the same kind of love, of course. Shang Beida is a kind love, someone who he cares about who cares about him. His love is safe and warm. The love he has for his parents... it's hard and cold, but it's all he has. If they don't care about him... or at least about his part to play...

He sniffles and rubs his face. Ugh... he feels like a stupid child. "I'm sorry schatzi. I don't... I don't want to make you frustrated."

[airplaneskyward]

Shang Beida sighs. "I know, baobei. I don't think they deserve it, or you, but I know they're still--they're your parents. I didn't-- up until I died, I didn't stop hoping my parents would... that it wouldn't be the way it was when I saw them, the way I was an unwanted imposition on their new families, meals with them more awkward and formal than with strangers." He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Sorry, not the point, you don't need me going on about shit that hasn't mattered since I died." He leans down and kisses Casper's forehead. "I'm not going to be mad at you for having emotions, baobei. Or for caring about people. Even people I don't think deserve you." He pulls Casper a little closer and up to where he can wrap his arms around him a little. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hide from me. If you need me to shut up about not liking them I... well okay realistically I'm not good at shutting up about literally anything, but I can try anyway."

[helborn]

"No, it's... it's okay. I know they don't care about me. I know they hurt me. I just can't... shake those feelings. I can't stop loving them just like that." It's going to be a difficult and painful process, and he knows that much already. He uncurls slightly and sighs, trying to get himself in check.

"We should... um. Probably go get showered. We're still kind of..." Yeah. ... He'll deal with the bruises later. "... I just... I just want to make you happy."

[airplaneskyward]

Shang Beida keeps running fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. “You do make me happy. And I want you to be happy too. You… no one has ever cared about me like you do.” He looks down at where Casper is still holding his banged arm. “You should heal your arm before it gets worse, baobei.”

[helborn]

"... But I don't want to get rid of the -" Mm. The bruises from Shang Beida are nice, but he... really should heal himself. "No one's cared about me like you, either..." He reaches out to grab the other's arm gently, his bruises fading. His body relaxes slightly and he sighs, hair falling in front of his face. "... Love you, schatzi."

[airplaneskyward]

Shang Beida sees the amount of tension that goes out of Casper when he heals himself and frowns. He was in a fair bit of pain if it was that much of a relief. Don't like that. No pain for boyfriend.

...it's sweet that he didn't want to get rid of the hickies after all. He hadn't actually realized the healing was all or nothing, but it wouldn't change him not wanting Casper to be hurt. He leans over to kiss Casper's cheek. "Love you too, baobei." He pauses and blushes a little. "I could always... put the others back later... if you wanted."

[helborn]

"I... maybe later, yes." Right now he's just tired. He just stays there a moment, breathing in the other's scent. It's calming... it's nice. Still...

"Come on, schatzi. Let's get cleaned up. I'm getting kind of hungry, too.."