-Private Threads- [pluviosa]

[helborn]

For threads that don't go anywhere else.

Please include rough day/time in the header of the comment just for timeline's sake.

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[airplaneskyward]

Shang Beida comes back over and starts carefully trimming Casper’s nails smooth and short and even.

“I mean, people in his palace do try to kill me kind of a lot, I’m sure he gets tired of saving me? It’s fine. I’ve got a seal to summon him with when I need him and everything, and not just anyone gets one of those.” He pauses. “Actually, would you mind if I made something for you that I could like, track? Just in case something… it would be more efficient than wandering around shouting your and Bob’s names like I did to find you today? I mean, if you’d rather not be trackable, that’s fine. I don’t know if I could make something you could use to summon me since I don’t think you can channel qi into things, but…” he trails off, looking uncertain. “I… I don’t want to lose you.”

[helborn]

"You shouldn't be in an environment like that." Him? He doesn't think twice about it. Shang Beida? Absolutely not.

He goes quiet when the other asks his question, letting him ramble a little bit until he comes to a natural stopping point. "I don't want to lose you either, schatzi. ... I don't mind you tracking me. Better you than the police or something - I've had enough of escaping out of cop cars and..."

Not the point. "... I don't mind. What kind of thing were you thinking?"

[airplaneskyward]

Shang Beida shrugs. “I was in for it as soon as I woke up as the baby that would be Shang Qinghua. And I didn’t want to kill my king, the time I did have the opportunity… the System wasn’t stopping me, but he was just—“ He blushes a little. “He was so pretty, like I wrote him to be, I couldn’t. But anyway, being a cultivator is fairly cutthroat too, it’s just no one cares about An Ding so I’m a little more out of danger there than I am surrounded by demons that resent my position as an advisor to Mobei-Jun. But I’m used to it, it’s fine. Sha Hualing would have skinned me three times over by now if I didn’t have some situational awareness.”

He brightens, beaming at Casper when he agrees. “I don’t know if it would be weird for you to wear a hair ornament or a pendant or something? I’ve got some spare jewelry I could carve a talisman into, but I could figure something else out if… I know modern western men don’t really wear jewelry… The pendants aren’t really showy, but…”

[helborn]

"Shang Beida..." He sighs and just... fine. He isn't going to get anywhere with this. They can come back to it later. He will come back to it later. Why'd you write the world like that?

Anyway. "Uh... well, I mean." He touches his bone necklace. "I already wear a necklace, so like... another one wouldn't be that weird?" Probably? Maybe? He's not sure. No telling how observant people are here. "I don't know if my hair is long enough for an ornament or something like that. Not like yours is."

[airplaneskyward]

Oh, he... feels some kind of way hearing his name, still, even exasperated like that. He's not actually sure what Casper is annoyed about? "I'm fine? It's fine."

"Yeah, a hair crown probably wouldn't work. A pin or something could maybe, or something braided in... but that would be, uh... sort of showy. But I think I've got at least one pendant that's purely decorative that I could repurpose into a necklace--mostly they're for like, around the waist, but your clothes aren't really--like, it does not work with jeans the way it does with robes, you don't have the same kind of belts."

[helborn]

"Yeah... no, I kind of... my jeans are tight enough, I don't need to make a belt." His jeans are a little small on him. But it's been a while since he's gotten clothes - partially due to being busy, partially due to... well. It's not like his dad is going to clothes shop for him.

[airplaneskyward]

Shang Beida isn't... not looking at how tight Casper's jeans are, now. He catches himself and looks back at Casper's hand, which is safer, blushing a little. "Um, I, yeah. You-- probably don't need a belt." He really does not need a belt. His jeans are a little too small and he could probably use better fitting clothes, but also, Shang Beida isn't not enjoying the view as it stands. "So, um. Pendant. Yeah. Unless you have a burning desire to wear my spare robes."

[helborn]

"... Yeah." He needs new clothes, but there's a reason he pulls his socks up. "I don't... think they'd look as good on me as they do on you. I'd just look like a weird guy."

He likes them! Just... on Shang Beida. "... But yeah." He goes quiet as the other fixes his nails. They look a lot better than they have in a very long time. "... Thanks." He presses a kiss to the side of the other's head and smiles a little bit.

[airplaneskyward]

"Well, my spare robes are the ones for when I'm trying to go undercover as not a peak lord, so they're also like, not fancy." Casper thinks he looks good... I mean, he knows that, Casper keeps saying things like 'you wrote yourself gorgeous', but... still. It's quite nice to hear, people do not usually compliment him except occasionally when they're trying to influence him via bribery instead of outright force. "I think you'd look good in anything." Skinny nerd, sure, but he's a cute one, and Shang Beida is into it.

He tilts his head a little into the kiss and turns to smile up at Casper. Casper is smiling so maybe he's feeling... somewhat better? But still... "Um. Other arm now?" There's a lot more bits of bark to deal with, yet.

[helborn]

"I mean I don't think I'd look good in robes at all but... thanks." Him? Look good? Ahaha. Nah. He offers his other arm and lets out a long breath. "I don't really know how much is in here, but... gods, now that we're free of there I feel weirdly sore? Like it's not painful, but..."

Honestly he could probably benefit from a massage, but he isn't likely to get one. "... You aren't hurt by anything, right?" He's willing to go beat it up for him.

[airplaneskyward]

“You did get pretty beat up, not to mention the muscle strain of struggling to get free.” Shang Beida spares a concerned glance up at him from his focus on picking crap out of Casper’s other arm. “And the, er, adrenaline crash or whatever. Is that the right word? It’s been a long time since I thought about like… biological chemicals. Hormones? Is that one a hormone? Whatever, not the point. The point is it would be weirder if you weren’t sore. I should have a set of acupuncture needles if you want to try that I guess? I’m not like, a doctor, but I know enough to carry on with, I have to tweak my own meridians sometimes and Mu Qingfang isn’t always available, like when I’m at my king’s palace, and I’m not going to trust a demon healer to stick me with needles.” He progresses through the scratches as he talks, increasingly efficient at prying out the bits of bark without doing any further damage.

“I’m fine, baobei, I’m not the one who got attacked by the flora, I was safe up in the cafeteria when the plant bomb went off.” His tone is self deprecating and a little bitter. He knows he’s a useless coward, he just… feels worse about it when Casper is out getting hurt alone. “You’re the one I’m worried about.”

[helborn]

"I don't know about acupuncture but it's never... uh. Appealed?" He's not a needle phobic guy, but he's also not eager to get stuck with a bunch of them. "... And let me worry about you too, schatzi. You're... I'm sorry I scared you, as well. Make sure you're gentle with yourself, dear."

[airplaneskyward]

Shang Beida doesn't really get that, but like, it's incredibly culturally normal for him and always has been. He knows western medicine doesn't really... do acupuncture. "Fair enough. Hot water would probably help, and..." He blushes. "I'm probably not any good at massage, but I could try, if you wanted."

"I'm... not used to anyone worrying about me." Or like, caring at all. "Especially when I wasn't even in danger. I... I'm just glad you're okay, 心爱. It's hardly your fault." He presses a kiss to the back of Casper's hand.

[helborn]

"Yeah... and I wouldn't mind if you tried." It's not like Shang Beida could really hurt him at this point. "But you deserve to be worried about. You're a very precious person to me." He leans into his boyfriend's (!!!) chest.

... Oh. The injuries. R... right. He takes a few deep breaths and then pulls away. "I'm... not used to people not blaming me when I get into trouble. You're... really kind."

[airplaneskyward]

“I wouldn’t mind trying.” Having his hands all over Casper absolutely does not sound like a bad way to spend time. As for the other statement… he doesn’t know what to do with that. Obviously he knows Casper likes him! He’s calling him German pet names and everything! But calling him precious is another thing altogether.

Casper leaning into his chest is probably getting ichor-blood all over him, but who cares, not his touch starved ass, that’s for sure. His eyes close for a moment, basking in the contact, before Casper pulls away again. And… calls him kind. “Fuck all those other assholes? No one should blame you for things happening to you that aren’t your fault. I’m… absolutely not usually described as kind, but… to you, sure. You’re special.” And in a world where the system doesn’t stop him from acting, so he doesn’t have to harden his heart against things he can’t change.

Quietly, then, because it’s harder to say in a language Casper actually understands: “Love you, baobei.”

[helborn]

"... Love you too, schatzi." He reaches up and takes Shang Beida's cheeks into his hands. "... You're wonderful." He's not going to debate the 'not blaming him for things that he can't control' thing. Of course it's his fault - Fate exists to fuck all of the children of the gods over in some way or another. He didn't ask to be born, but that doesn't mean that things that happen aren't himself.

He pushes those thoughts away. "... We should probably take care of my legs, too. I... um. I'm sorry if it... bothers you. I... I'd understand if you didn't want to help clean it -"

[airplaneskyward]

His face is being held, so he takes the completely reasonable track of response to that statement and interrupts it by leaning in to kiss Casper. He keeps it brief and chaste, but entirely sufficient to break that train of logic. "Why would I object to either helping you or to-- seeing more of you? And I don't want any bits of anything left in any part of you, to get infected or whatever."

"And... you're pretty wonderful. I don't know how I managed to make you think I am, but... you're amazing."

[helborn]

"Hey -" Oh. A kiss. He was having a conversation! "... I just mean it's kind of gross to look at, and there's probably gunk stuck in between my leg stump and the false leg and I just..." His eyes flick away and he swallows hard.

... It's a problem. He knows he looks gross and ugly. He hasn't shown that part of himself to the other yet, and he's not sure if he's going to have a... a bad reaction to it.

[airplaneskyward]

Shang Beida cups Casper's cheek in the hand that isn't holding a needle. He forgot, for a moment, how cruel people have apparently been to Casper over his injury. "Hey. Casper. It's okay if you don't want me to see, but I'm not going to think less of you, I swear. And having crap stuck between your skin and the prosthetic sounds like a recipe for some kind of horrible sores, I definitely think we should get that clean." His thumb traces lightly over Casper's cheek. "I said you were amazing and I meant it, baobei. You're still here, despite everything that-- people have done to you."

[helborn]

"No, I..." He sighs and closes his eyes. He doesn't want Shang Beida to see the tears welling up, even though he can probably tell. "I just... I just... I know I'm broken and miserable and awful and I'm sorry that you're... having to deal with all of this..."

His voice cracks and he lets go of the other's face, dropping his head and biting his lip. "I'm sorry... if I hadn't been - if I hadn't gotten myself hurt..."

[airplaneskyward]

He makes the executive decision to drop the needle--well, toss it vaguely in the direction of his robes, he'll probably be able to find it later, whatever--so he'll have both hands free to pull Casper closer. "No, hey, shh. Dealing with you is like, possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me, do not be sorry for that. And you're not broken. And definitely not awful. You are like, the least awful person I have ever met in my life, and I am literally including Zhangmen-shixiong in that, and he's like the ultimate paragon of Proud Immortal Demon Way." He's somewhat concerned about hurting Casper, touching him when he's covered in wounds, but he... hopes that affection will help more than it might hurt? He wraps one arm around Casper's waist and cups his face with the other hand. "It's okay, 心爱. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

He pauses, because he saw the mulish set to Casper's face earlier, and knows the younger man doesn't want to buy that. What argument might... "You don't think it's the fault of anyone else who got trapped that it happened, do you? Like Mario, he got stuck too, right? And there's no way it's Super Mario's fault that the plants went insane. Or that girl you were talking to, with the mad hair, you don't blame her, right? You have just as much no fault at all as anyone else. You didn't tell the ship to turn the lights on."

[helborn]

"... No, I just..." He's the one who went off looking for bodies alone. He's the one who didn't run fast enough. He's the one who -

Bob squawks and Casper sighs. "I know. I know. I just... I don't want anyone to be hurt because of me. And you're hurting right now." He rubs his eyes with the back of a hand, trying to breathe. "You're hurting because I got hurt..." He doesn't even know how to process that...

[airplaneskyward]

"I'm choosing to be here, with you, baobei. You're-- don't feel worse because I care about you, that's not... it's okay, I promise. You're okay now, and you're here, and I'm taking care of you, and you're not threatening to murder me for seeing you in a vulnerable position, and I'm actually being a little helpful, and I'm glad I can do anything for you, I want to be able to help, and maybe if I had gone with you instead of staying where it was safe this wouldn't have happened like this, but we can't just go in circles about what might have been different. If the ship had warned us it was turning on the lights, if it had tried one area first, if you hadn't been all the way down, if I hadn't found you in time, if Bob hadn't been able to answer me so I could find you--" He cuts himself off, because it's clearly very easy for him to go into what-ifs. "You're okay now. We're okay. We're going to get you cleaned up and then we'll go find something soft to take a nap on. And I'll seal the door shut so no one can get in so we can both sleep. All three, Bob too, I bet Bob's tired too." All he has is a stream of words, so that's what's happening, and he hopes something in there is remotely useful. "It's okay, beloved." Carefully in English, to emphasize the endearment. "It's not your fault that you got hurt, and I was scared because I care about you, and that's-- don't feel bad about that, please."

[helborn]

That's. That's a lot. He lets Shang Beida ramble and finally speaks up when he does finish. "I'm... trying. I'm not used to being... cared about. No one at home does." He lets out a long breath and slowly works on pulling his shoes off, followed by his socks. He undoes his pants and wiggles out of them.

One of his legs is... mostly fine. Shallow cuts that probably need to be looked at, but... his other leg is somewhat rougher. It's cut off at the knee, leaving a smooth nub instead of a kneecap. It's strapped to his leg and it takes him a minute to undo the straps. It smells... not the greatest. His leg stump is red and a little raw, and the inside of the cup that it sits in is somewhat gritty and clearly sweaty. Casper looks away from Shang Beida, his cheeks burning.

[airplaneskyward]

His first priority is to reassure Casper that he’s not disgusted by him, so he kisses him on the cheek. “That looks uncomfortable. Let me get the cloth wet so I can clean off all the sweat and dirt so it’s not getting ground into your skin anymore. And then I’ve definitely got some kind of ointment that would be at least soothing. Do you want to sit down? There’s a metal chair over there, I don’t want you to fall, baobei. And once you’re cleaned up we can get the crap out of the scratches. Or do you want to shower now? You can lean on me if you need…” He doesn’t turn away, stays close, unflinching. With as selfconscious as Casper is about it, he is going to do his absolute damnedest to be as reassuring as humanly possible that he doesn’t think Casper is gross or repulsive or whatever for his missing leg.