He keeps his palm steady, rolling his eyes slightly at Shang Beida. "Don't get yourself infected..." He's still not cleaned off, but he's more worried about the other than himself. "I'm okay. I promise, schatzi. You're doing fine. I trust you." There's some cuts on his hands, but most of the issue is dirt under his nails which is... somewhat harder to pick out without blood.
“Hm. I don’t think I have like, a nail brush… I don’t want to stick a needle under your fingernails that’s not happening. Um. Maybe a hair stick…” He pats vaguely at his head before he finds the simple silver hair crown holding up his bun and pulls the stick out, leaving his hair to fall loose around his shoulders. He’s a millennial, so like, he doesn’t actually feel wildly improper like this, but also, he has lived in fantasy ancient China for decades and he kinda does. Having his hair down is almost more improper feeling than having his robes off, because like, group baths are a thing. But it’s Casper, it’s fine. He tosses the crown over at his robes and examines the stick. “Yeah, I think that’s a reasonable level of pointy but not sharp.” He looks up at Casper, hair straggling into his face. “I’m gonna rinse this cloth out first, I think? And then we can clean under your nails. Um, unless you want to do it, you can reach yourself, I…” He’s still holding Casper’s hand in one of his, blushing a little. “However you want.”
He looks up and - oh. He... looks really cute with his hair down, too. "Ah -" What was the question? Oh. Oh, right.
"Okay. And I... I mean if you think you can get it all, I... don't mind being taken care of if it's you." It's a weird feeling, but... it's warm. Is this what feeling wanted is like? He's not sure and his body still feels weird from various other reasons, so it's hard to tell.
Shang Beida feels... he's not even sure. Something in his chest. He's useful, he's wanted, he's making something better for someone, and it's someone he cares about, and it was sort of satisfying nursing Mobei-Jun back to health but his king was always furious about being vulnerable, and Casper trusts him and he's not even angry when what Shang Beida does hurts... Some of those larger pieces of bark would have gotten him knocked across the room with how he'd had to dig, if this was his king.
He doesn't know what to do with himself, so he kisses Casper's palm again and goes to wash out the cloth like he said he would, then comes back with it and uses the alcohol to clean off the hair stick.
He takes Casper's hand again, cupping it, and brings the hair stick into position by his thumbnail. He looks up through his lashes at Casper. "Ready, 心爱?"
He waits for the other patiently, glancing over his arm and... okay, that does look a lot better. He's glad they're doing this. He's exhausted, so he's not really ready... but he nods. "Go for it."
For better or worse his nails are short. Easier to get into the flesh, but also easier for bad things to get to the flesh quickly. ... They're also a little ragged, cut unevenly and in some places a little too close to the fingertip. There's also some pointy bits that look like they've been either chewed or worried at. "Sorry. I uh... hard to take care of your nails on the road."
“Hardly time to care about one’s manicure,” Shang Beida says drily. He starts cleaning under Casper’s nails, gentle and careful. “Do you mind if I trim the ragged bits? It’ll be with a knife, but I have lots of practice because fantasy ancient China doesn’t have nail clippers.”
"Pretty much." He didn't really get a chance to pack a camping kit either, so it's not been the most pleasant of road trips even outside of... everything else. "I don't mind, no. Your hands are steady and I trust you." He doesn't flinch even if he wants to, just looks... faintly embarrassed.
"I... uh. From time to time I've bitten my nails. Probably why they're in such bad shape..."
"I just bite my cuticles, but they heal fast because I'm a cultivator, so my hands don't look nearly as bad at they did when I was mortal. My fingers were always all scabby my first life. Just a sec."
Shang Beida goes back to his robes and grabs the dagger, gives it a considering look, and shrugs. "I think this might be slightly demonic, but not in a way that really does anything. Pretty sure my king gave it to me and told me to stab the next person who tried to push me off a balcony instead of just screaming for him. Should be fine to use, though, it doesn't feel like, malign, just like... demon-made. He probably wouldn't give me something that would be bad for me to accidentally cut myself on. Anyway, it's sharp enough."
He shrugs. The knife doesn't scare him. "Sounds like your king's pretty dismissive of you. But I don't really care where it's from. ... I know you won't hurt me." Not on purpose, at least.
"The nerves and all... I end up chewing on nails. I know it's gross. ... I'm kind of gross." Just... in general. He's still a teenage guy.
Shang Beida comes back over and starts carefully trimming Casper’s nails smooth and short and even.
“I mean, people in his palace do try to kill me kind of a lot, I’m sure he gets tired of saving me? It’s fine. I’ve got a seal to summon him with when I need him and everything, and not just anyone gets one of those.” He pauses. “Actually, would you mind if I made something for you that I could like, track? Just in case something… it would be more efficient than wandering around shouting your and Bob’s names like I did to find you today? I mean, if you’d rather not be trackable, that’s fine. I don’t know if I could make something you could use to summon me since I don’t think you can channel qi into things, but…” he trails off, looking uncertain. “I… I don’t want to lose you.”
"You shouldn't be in an environment like that." Him? He doesn't think twice about it. Shang Beida? Absolutely not.
He goes quiet when the other asks his question, letting him ramble a little bit until he comes to a natural stopping point. "I don't want to lose you either, schatzi. ... I don't mind you tracking me. Better you than the police or something - I've had enough of escaping out of cop cars and..."
Not the point. "... I don't mind. What kind of thing were you thinking?"
Shang Beida shrugs. “I was in for it as soon as I woke up as the baby that would be Shang Qinghua. And I didn’t want to kill my king, the time I did have the opportunity… the System wasn’t stopping me, but he was just—“ He blushes a little. “He was so pretty, like I wrote him to be, I couldn’t. But anyway, being a cultivator is fairly cutthroat too, it’s just no one cares about An Ding so I’m a little more out of danger there than I am surrounded by demons that resent my position as an advisor to Mobei-Jun. But I’m used to it, it’s fine. Sha Hualing would have skinned me three times over by now if I didn’t have some situational awareness.”
He brightens, beaming at Casper when he agrees. “I don’t know if it would be weird for you to wear a hair ornament or a pendant or something? I’ve got some spare jewelry I could carve a talisman into, but I could figure something else out if… I know modern western men don’t really wear jewelry… The pendants aren’t really showy, but…”
"Shang Beida..." He sighs and just... fine. He isn't going to get anywhere with this. They can come back to it later. He will come back to it later. Why'd you write the world like that?
Anyway. "Uh... well, I mean." He touches his bone necklace. "I already wear a necklace, so like... another one wouldn't be that weird?" Probably? Maybe? He's not sure. No telling how observant people are here. "I don't know if my hair is long enough for an ornament or something like that. Not like yours is."
Oh, he... feels some kind of way hearing his name, still, even exasperated like that. He's not actually sure what Casper is annoyed about? "I'm fine? It's fine."
"Yeah, a hair crown probably wouldn't work. A pin or something could maybe, or something braided in... but that would be, uh... sort of showy. But I think I've got at least one pendant that's purely decorative that I could repurpose into a necklace--mostly they're for like, around the waist, but your clothes aren't really--like, it does not work with jeans the way it does with robes, you don't have the same kind of belts."
"Yeah... no, I kind of... my jeans are tight enough, I don't need to make a belt." His jeans are a little small on him. But it's been a while since he's gotten clothes - partially due to being busy, partially due to... well. It's not like his dad is going to clothes shop for him.
Shang Beida isn't... not looking at how tight Casper's jeans are, now. He catches himself and looks back at Casper's hand, which is safer, blushing a little. "Um, I, yeah. You-- probably don't need a belt." He really does not need a belt. His jeans are a little too small and he could probably use better fitting clothes, but also, Shang Beida isn't not enjoying the view as it stands. "So, um. Pendant. Yeah. Unless you have a burning desire to wear my spare robes."
"... Yeah." He needs new clothes, but there's a reason he pulls his socks up. "I don't... think they'd look as good on me as they do on you. I'd just look like a weird guy."
He likes them! Just... on Shang Beida. "... But yeah." He goes quiet as the other fixes his nails. They look a lot better than they have in a very long time. "... Thanks." He presses a kiss to the side of the other's head and smiles a little bit.
"Well, my spare robes are the ones for when I'm trying to go undercover as not a peak lord, so they're also like, not fancy." Casper thinks he looks good... I mean, he knows that, Casper keeps saying things like 'you wrote yourself gorgeous', but... still. It's quite nice to hear, people do not usually compliment him except occasionally when they're trying to influence him via bribery instead of outright force. "I think you'd look good in anything." Skinny nerd, sure, but he's a cute one, and Shang Beida is into it.
He tilts his head a little into the kiss and turns to smile up at Casper. Casper is smiling so maybe he's feeling... somewhat better? But still... "Um. Other arm now?" There's a lot more bits of bark to deal with, yet.
"I mean I don't think I'd look good in robes at all but... thanks." Him? Look good? Ahaha. Nah. He offers his other arm and lets out a long breath. "I don't really know how much is in here, but... gods, now that we're free of there I feel weirdly sore? Like it's not painful, but..."
Honestly he could probably benefit from a massage, but he isn't likely to get one. "... You aren't hurt by anything, right?" He's willing to go beat it up for him.
“You did get pretty beat up, not to mention the muscle strain of struggling to get free.” Shang Beida spares a concerned glance up at him from his focus on picking crap out of Casper’s other arm. “And the, er, adrenaline crash or whatever. Is that the right word? It’s been a long time since I thought about like… biological chemicals. Hormones? Is that one a hormone? Whatever, not the point. The point is it would be weirder if you weren’t sore. I should have a set of acupuncture needles if you want to try that I guess? I’m not like, a doctor, but I know enough to carry on with, I have to tweak my own meridians sometimes and Mu Qingfang isn’t always available, like when I’m at my king’s palace, and I’m not going to trust a demon healer to stick me with needles.” He progresses through the scratches as he talks, increasingly efficient at prying out the bits of bark without doing any further damage.
“I’m fine, baobei, I’m not the one who got attacked by the flora, I was safe up in the cafeteria when the plant bomb went off.” His tone is self deprecating and a little bitter. He knows he’s a useless coward, he just… feels worse about it when Casper is out getting hurt alone. “You’re the one I’m worried about.”
"I don't know about acupuncture but it's never... uh. Appealed?" He's not a needle phobic guy, but he's also not eager to get stuck with a bunch of them. "... And let me worry about you too, schatzi. You're... I'm sorry I scared you, as well. Make sure you're gentle with yourself, dear."
Shang Beida doesn't really get that, but like, it's incredibly culturally normal for him and always has been. He knows western medicine doesn't really... do acupuncture. "Fair enough. Hot water would probably help, and..." He blushes. "I'm probably not any good at massage, but I could try, if you wanted."
"I'm... not used to anyone worrying about me." Or like, caring at all. "Especially when I wasn't even in danger. I... I'm just glad you're okay, 心爱. It's hardly your fault." He presses a kiss to the back of Casper's hand.
"Yeah... and I wouldn't mind if you tried." It's not like Shang Beida could really hurt him at this point. "But you deserve to be worried about. You're a very precious person to me." He leans into his boyfriend's (!!!) chest.
... Oh. The injuries. R... right. He takes a few deep breaths and then pulls away. "I'm... not used to people not blaming me when I get into trouble. You're... really kind."
“I wouldn’t mind trying.” Having his hands all over Casper absolutely does not sound like a bad way to spend time. As for the other statement… he doesn’t know what to do with that. Obviously he knows Casper likes him! He’s calling him German pet names and everything! But calling him precious is another thing altogether.
Casper leaning into his chest is probably getting ichor-blood all over him, but who cares, not his touch starved ass, that’s for sure. His eyes close for a moment, basking in the contact, before Casper pulls away again. And… calls him kind. “Fuck all those other assholes? No one should blame you for things happening to you that aren’t your fault. I’m… absolutely not usually described as kind, but… to you, sure. You’re special.” And in a world where the system doesn’t stop him from acting, so he doesn’t have to harden his heart against things he can’t change.
Quietly, then, because it’s harder to say in a language Casper actually understands: “Love you, baobei.”
"... Love you too, schatzi." He reaches up and takes Shang Beida's cheeks into his hands. "... You're wonderful." He's not going to debate the 'not blaming him for things that he can't control' thing. Of course it's his fault - Fate exists to fuck all of the children of the gods over in some way or another. He didn't ask to be born, but that doesn't mean that things that happen aren't himself.
He pushes those thoughts away. "... We should probably take care of my legs, too. I... um. I'm sorry if it... bothers you. I... I'd understand if you didn't want to help clean it -"
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"Okay. And I... I mean if you think you can get it all, I... don't mind being taken care of if it's you." It's a weird feeling, but... it's warm. Is this what feeling wanted is like? He's not sure and his body still feels weird from various other reasons, so it's hard to tell.
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He doesn't know what to do with himself, so he kisses Casper's palm again and goes to wash out the cloth like he said he would, then comes back with it and uses the alcohol to clean off the hair stick.
He takes Casper's hand again, cupping it, and brings the hair stick into position by his thumbnail. He looks up through his lashes at Casper. "Ready, 心爱?"
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For better or worse his nails are short. Easier to get into the flesh, but also easier for bad things to get to the flesh quickly. ... They're also a little ragged, cut unevenly and in some places a little too close to the fingertip. There's also some pointy bits that look like they've been either chewed or worried at. "Sorry. I uh... hard to take care of your nails on the road."
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"I... uh. From time to time I've bitten my nails. Probably why they're in such bad shape..."
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Shang Beida goes back to his robes and grabs the dagger, gives it a considering look, and shrugs. "I think this might be slightly demonic, but not in a way that really does anything. Pretty sure my king gave it to me and told me to stab the next person who tried to push me off a balcony instead of just screaming for him. Should be fine to use, though, it doesn't feel like, malign, just like... demon-made. He probably wouldn't give me something that would be bad for me to accidentally cut myself on. Anyway, it's sharp enough."
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"The nerves and all... I end up chewing on nails. I know it's gross. ... I'm kind of gross." Just... in general. He's still a teenage guy.
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“I mean, people in his palace do try to kill me kind of a lot, I’m sure he gets tired of saving me? It’s fine. I’ve got a seal to summon him with when I need him and everything, and not just anyone gets one of those.” He pauses. “Actually, would you mind if I made something for you that I could like, track? Just in case something… it would be more efficient than wandering around shouting your and Bob’s names like I did to find you today? I mean, if you’d rather not be trackable, that’s fine. I don’t know if I could make something you could use to summon me since I don’t think you can channel qi into things, but…” he trails off, looking uncertain. “I… I don’t want to lose you.”
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He goes quiet when the other asks his question, letting him ramble a little bit until he comes to a natural stopping point. "I don't want to lose you either, schatzi. ... I don't mind you tracking me. Better you than the police or something - I've had enough of escaping out of cop cars and..."
Not the point. "... I don't mind. What kind of thing were you thinking?"
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He brightens, beaming at Casper when he agrees. “I don’t know if it would be weird for you to wear a hair ornament or a pendant or something? I’ve got some spare jewelry I could carve a talisman into, but I could figure something else out if… I know modern western men don’t really wear jewelry… The pendants aren’t really showy, but…”
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Anyway. "Uh... well, I mean." He touches his bone necklace. "I already wear a necklace, so like... another one wouldn't be that weird?" Probably? Maybe? He's not sure. No telling how observant people are here. "I don't know if my hair is long enough for an ornament or something like that. Not like yours is."
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"Yeah, a hair crown probably wouldn't work. A pin or something could maybe, or something braided in... but that would be, uh... sort of showy. But I think I've got at least one pendant that's purely decorative that I could repurpose into a necklace--mostly they're for like, around the waist, but your clothes aren't really--like, it does not work with jeans the way it does with robes, you don't have the same kind of belts."
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He likes them! Just... on Shang Beida. "... But yeah." He goes quiet as the other fixes his nails. They look a lot better than they have in a very long time. "... Thanks." He presses a kiss to the side of the other's head and smiles a little bit.
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He tilts his head a little into the kiss and turns to smile up at Casper. Casper is smiling so maybe he's feeling... somewhat better? But still... "Um. Other arm now?" There's a lot more bits of bark to deal with, yet.
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Honestly he could probably benefit from a massage, but he isn't likely to get one. "... You aren't hurt by anything, right?" He's willing to go beat it up for him.
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“I’m fine, baobei, I’m not the one who got attacked by the flora, I was safe up in the cafeteria when the plant bomb went off.” His tone is self deprecating and a little bitter. He knows he’s a useless coward, he just… feels worse about it when Casper is out getting hurt alone. “You’re the one I’m worried about.”
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"I'm... not used to anyone worrying about me." Or like, caring at all. "Especially when I wasn't even in danger. I... I'm just glad you're okay, 心爱. It's hardly your fault." He presses a kiss to the back of Casper's hand.
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... Oh. The injuries. R... right. He takes a few deep breaths and then pulls away. "I'm... not used to people not blaming me when I get into trouble. You're... really kind."
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Casper leaning into his chest is probably getting ichor-blood all over him, but who cares, not his touch starved ass, that’s for sure. His eyes close for a moment, basking in the contact, before Casper pulls away again. And… calls him kind. “Fuck all those other assholes? No one should blame you for things happening to you that aren’t your fault. I’m… absolutely not usually described as kind, but… to you, sure. You’re special.” And in a world where the system doesn’t stop him from acting, so he doesn’t have to harden his heart against things he can’t change.
Quietly, then, because it’s harder to say in a language Casper actually understands: “Love you, baobei.”
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He pushes those thoughts away. "... We should probably take care of my legs, too. I... um. I'm sorry if it... bothers you. I... I'd understand if you didn't want to help clean it -"
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cw: ptsd trauma response
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