"... I don't know how to make it better or worse. I don't... I don't know anything about how to treat trauma. I wouldn't even know where to start. I want to be better, I want to be okay... but I'm not. And I just... don't want that to end up hurting you." He's scared of losing the other, but he's more scared of hurting him and driving him away in that way.
Bob just lands on a shelf and starts tucking away for the night, giving the pair privacy. Casper's eyes flick up to where he's landed and - okay. Bob's safe. He can concentrate on Shang Beida. "You're so important to me, even though we've just met." His hand moves up to stroke the other's hair. Just the contact alone with his boyfriend is calming. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep hurting you or making you doubt or... I know everything you're saying to me is true - like, I can literally tell - but it's... hard to accept." He takes a deep breath. "That I'm not broken or wrong or sick or deluded or weak or... or too soft or too slow or an utter, miserable failure." That's what his mother had called him, among other things. And if a goddess says it, it has to be true, right?
... He knows that gods lie or have their own opinions that they treat as true. But ever since then it's felt like there's been a weight on him that he's had to fight against. "I'm not scared of you. I'm just scared for you. And I don't... know anything about relationships. The um... videos I watched... didn't cover that part." He blushes faintly - he knows he can just say 'porn', but it feels awkward! Wrong and deviant and - he takes a breath, doing his best to halt that downard spiral before it gets too deep.
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Date: 2024-03-31 05:22 pm (UTC)From:Bob just lands on a shelf and starts tucking away for the night, giving the pair privacy. Casper's eyes flick up to where he's landed and - okay. Bob's safe. He can concentrate on Shang Beida. "You're so important to me, even though we've just met." His hand moves up to stroke the other's hair. Just the contact alone with his boyfriend is calming. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep hurting you or making you doubt or... I know everything you're saying to me is true - like, I can literally tell - but it's... hard to accept." He takes a deep breath. "That I'm not broken or wrong or sick or deluded or weak or... or too soft or too slow or an utter, miserable failure." That's what his mother had called him, among other things. And if a goddess says it, it has to be true, right?
... He knows that gods lie or have their own opinions that they treat as true. But ever since then it's felt like there's been a weight on him that he's had to fight against. "I'm not scared of you. I'm just scared for you. And I don't... know anything about relationships. The um... videos I watched... didn't cover that part." He blushes faintly - he knows he can just say 'porn', but it feels awkward! Wrong and deviant and - he takes a breath, doing his best to halt that downard spiral before it gets too deep.