He doesn't understand half of that but that's fine. He gets the sentiment anyway and buries his face into Shang Beida's shoulder. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve any of this. Not this softness, not this kindness, not this... this love.
It's fine. It's fine, it's not - it's not a big deal. He feels like he's lying but it's not - it's not the same as lying even if it feels like lying and his stomach suddenly hurts and his breathing hitches and... and he's not sure what to do. He wants to yell and scream that the other's wrong or push him away or -
"I deserve it." He doesn't mean to say it, it just slips out. He freezes, suddenly terrified that Shang Beida's going to yell at him or tell him he's wrong or -
- He tries to get up but in his rush he gets tangled in his clothes and falls, whacking his arm against the side of the bed and landing in a heap on the floor. He presses his face against the ground and starts sobbing, his shoulders shaking violently.
no subject
It's fine. It's fine, it's not - it's not a big deal. He feels like he's lying but it's not - it's not the same as lying even if it feels like lying and his stomach suddenly hurts and his breathing hitches and... and he's not sure what to do. He wants to yell and scream that the other's wrong or push him away or -
"I deserve it." He doesn't mean to say it, it just slips out. He freezes, suddenly terrified that Shang Beida's going to yell at him or tell him he's wrong or -
- He tries to get up but in his rush he gets tangled in his clothes and falls, whacking his arm against the side of the bed and landing in a heap on the floor. He presses his face against the ground and starts sobbing, his shoulders shaking violently.